Something that has always felt "normal" to me has been that if I spend one day doing normal busy activities such as running errands, seeing people, doing little chores around the house, maybe going out, I would spend the entire next day in bed. My body would be stiff and achy, I'd be completely wiped out, and aside from getting up to eat I would not leave either the bed or couch after being asleep for 10 hours. It's starting to slowly dawn on me that this is not how people usually run their daily lives; one day on and one day off is only how I live.

It took me years to get to the point of being diagnosed with Graves' Disease, a thyroid disorder that usually manifests itself in being anxious, always hungry, and like life is one big panic attack. What I didn't learn until after I was diagnosed is that sometimes your body reaches a point where you are so worked up that you've exhausted yourself by simply existing. My symptoms did include anxiety, but more often than not I was also completely run down. I worked out and felt better for it, but I would still need to take 3 hour naps before working out, or force myself to exercise before going to work so that I could bargain in sleeping the whole day after work.

Since having my thyroid removed via radiation, my fatigue and aching seem to have gotten worse. I sleep an adequate amount before going to work, but I will still find myself dozing off by 2:30pm, with my head nodding and my eyes blurring. My headaches are becoming more and more regular, and I'm tired of having others explain it away by saying I'm dehydrated. I wake up every morning feeling like I have the flu, where all of my muscles are a stiff and sore. I feel like every day from now on should be a recovery day. What am I recovering from? Apparently it was real tough to empty the dishwasher.

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I left the house for an hour today and was ready to go to bed at 8:00pm. I think this is hypothyroidism kicking in as the other flip of the coin. It's the same crappy feeling but for different reasons. I no longer have on days, where my panic attack lifestyle at least pushes me to be productive for a few hours. I don't only feel like a massage would be nice, I feel like it's necessary just to function.

My appointment with my endocrinologist is in two weeks, where I will have to touch on all of these symptoms again and ask about the chances of this being more than just dealing with my thyroid. I'm afraid of even asking if its fibromyalgia because I don't want to deal with the diagnosis runaround. But I'm tired of being tired. I want to know what it's like to not be sore all of the time.

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